Missing my Dad

My dad is gone, and no one cares
everyone has moved on
they continue life as it's always been
I stare at my dad in a jar
my best friend is far
and everyone else
is smiling, as they did
before during and after he got sick
my world was turned upside down
and my friend became my enemy
i wasn't even in his memory
but their lives move on
i get up at the crack of dawn
i no longer have to fix breakfast
to season the eggs just right
when i go to bed at night
and i don't even have to
remind ma about the pills
all i have is a light in a windowsill
but their lives move on
i struggle everyday
to hold on to a faith about to break
and fake and fake and fake
a smile and accept "stay strong"
and he's in a better place,
but in the end he didn't recognize my face
and he called every single other name
except Mine
and i fed and cleaned him and wiped his behind
but he wanted them not me
but they stayed home and rubbed their knees
and now we all run through the stages of grief
again
and again
and again
and again
with no relief
and all my Belief says to me
is you cant have him back
i'm supposed to "move on" and "let go"
but that just doesn't exist for me
is it a punishment for me
is there something i didn't do or see




will i ever be... ?