*Remember when I told you this is a blog where I will write anything? This post is a prime example. WARNING: It might get a little harsh.*
Let me start by telling you a little story about me. When I was a Junior in high school, I took an AP English class. I sat by a boy who wanted to be a doctor I believe. Anyway, the point is, this boy lacked communication skills. No, let me make it clear: he, like many people in the world, severely lacked quiet person communication skills.
Every time I spoke in class, and I didn't speak loud enough for him, he would quietly scream, "SPEAK UP!" He thought it was funny, and possibly thought it was a good pep talk. Actually, he was lucky I was taught composure and didn't like hurting feelings. He didn't know that every time he did that, I wanted to trash-slap him! (As in picking up a trashcan and smacking him with it).
I know many people right now think it's the "right thing to do" to give the more silent of us a boost and push us into that world of conversation! But honestly, most quiet people are like mules, if you try to hard to push them, they'll kick the spit out of you.
Why am I quiet? The same reason why you talk. The same reason why people breathe. It's the way we are. We can talk, we just choose not to most of the time. Why is that? It can be many reasons:
- What you are talking about is not interesting to me
- I am in deep thought and my focus is on thinking, not talking
- I may be going through something, so I'm quietly venting my feelings to deal with it which is better than talking for me
- If I'm speaking low, I am nervous about what I'm saying, but trying to say it as comfortably as possible
- I'm probably speaking low because that's my natural tone of speech
- I'm speaking low because I am unaware of my volume and really already think you can hear me
- You are a stranger, so I'm not comfortable with you enough to talk
We are not quiet and low speaking to inconvenience you. We aren't trying to be mean or antisocial. Our world is just not defined by talking. So please, "talkers," acquire some quiet person communication skills so you can become friends with the guy or gal in the corner. Here they are:
- Instead of jumping into conversation with some random Icebreaker, formally introduce yourself. It says, "hey, I'm being friendly," in the most uncomplicated way.
- DO NOT use tactics such as "gentle bullying" or "being mean for fun," it's off-putting, and the person might go on the defensive because he/she can't read you.
- Let him/her be quiet sometimes. Some days, just say hi and let him/her be. It shows the person you are willing to let the person be his/herself, and will ultimately allow the person to get comfortable with you.
- Get to know what the person likes. I'm not telling you to exclude yourself from the conversation, but talk about some things you like and see what the person latches onto. Many problems I have with communication are because people assume I like certain things because of my race, gender, religion, and other things.
- Don't treat the person like an experiment. I know technically you don't know anything about the person and are "studying" him/her, but don't throw out phrases like, "Do you do this? And why do you do this?" It will come out in your voice and you'll come off disingenuous. Your quiet friend will go back into the shell real quick.
- If he/she is talking low, say you can't hear him/her. The person will speak a little louder for you.
And for the love of God, please don't silently scream, "SPEAK UP!" when she is expressing herself to a crowd. She might call you out on a blog ten years later or something.
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