"WARNING: This is an Unconventional Opinion Article. It will go against an idea many people live by. Please do not read unless you are very open-minded. Negative comments will be treated as hostile."
Admittedly, this post is something I really didn't want to write, because I believed I was just complaining or in the wrong, but these kinds of episodes from The Bernie Mac Show, The Andy Griffith Show, Recess, TMNT, The Parenthood, and Rurouni Kenshin have been literally haunting my thoughts for years, so I have to expose them as the blog for this week.
Episodes like these always start out the same, a kid, more than likely a boy, is being bullied in school, he goes to his parent/parents, and the parents most likely argue over what they should do. Usually, the father wins because "sometimes in life you have to fight battles" and the mother is made to look stupid because her peaceful option usually leads into more trouble. Cliched phrases include "he has to stand up for himself" or "we can't protect him forever" or some form of "we can't bail him out all the time."
First of all, why do I the mom's have to be shamed/humiliated in these episodes? Is this really how it plays out in real life, or are these male writers trying to make a statement? Are they trying to say it's not a woman's place to deal with contention or peace isn't always the answer and thus, is sometimes simply stupid? I don't know, but it comes off that way. I think women and the ideal of peace should be shown a little more respect.
Second, this idea of if as parents you try to protect your child from bullying is "bailing them out," is, in my opinion, fabricated. Not intentionally made-up, but made out of a fear which says "I'll be raising a punk if I do that." It's unwarranted. What I mean is, "bailing them out" implies you can completely stop bullying which in turn stops your kid from becoming strong enough to protect himself, which is just not true. I guess you could argue constantly taking away your kid from bad situations is teaching them to "run away from their problems," but again, that's unwarranted. Here's why:
In real life, the kid only wants one thing, to get rid of the bully or stop the bullying. All of this philosophical crap is in the parents' head, not the child's. And why not? Isn't that the parents' job? Am I suggesting they teach the kid to "cower off?" No. I don't even believe in the concept of "cowardice" but that's a blog for another day. What I'm trying to say, is you don't need to be a jackanus to your kid or any other kid via TV screen when it comes to bullying.
I know many parents want their kids to be independent/self-reliant, but your child doing for him/herself does not rely on how far you separate from them, but how you teach them how to do for self. Self-reliance does not equal severance. You can teach your kid how to defend themselves and take them away from a school. Parents act like there are no other options, where there are clearly many in today's world. There are self-defense classes. Your child does not have to be bullied to get stronger, there are better solutions and we need to stop acting like there isn't. I mean, there are even things you can watch at home to teach you self-defense.
And for those of you who would hate for your child to get distracted, punk out, or run away, why? Everyone gets scared. They can't vent out their fear? Just teach them everything will be okay if they get into conflict. Teach them that there is healing for such events. You don't have to force your child to stop running and "stand up" for themselves, really you just have to teach him how to get people or things to leave them alone. That's it. It's what the kids want anyway. Adults are the ones who put it into a complex philosophical nutshell.
Anyone I hope this helps someone. If not, at least I got this rant off my chest. And if you are a writer of any sort and this "touched" you, don't make full episodes or books or whatever on this topic. Some things are better left to the home or the pulpit. I'm tired of waking up to these thoughts everyday. I don't even have a problem in protecting myself.
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