Why Asexuality Should be Widely Recognized

If you have been following me for a while, you know that I have just "came out" as asexual. Half of you are aware of what asexuality is because you're not part of the heteronormative or are a well-informed liberal. The rest of you have no clue what I'm talking about, or think I'm making a joke about plants.

Asexuality in humans, which is real and valid, can be confusing to understand, so I'll break it down into simple terms: we could care less about sex in a romantic relationship, married or not. That may be strange to you, but if you were to see the Twitter page AVEN @asexuality, you would see there are millions of people who feel that way, so it's real. It was strange for me, too. I didn't know this was a thing, and therefore I unintentionally rejected this part of me for 20+ years (I'm 27.)

I didn't discover asexuality until 2 years ago. *This next part gets spiritual so if you aren't into that, skip the next few sentences.* It was just one night, God asked me, "How do you really feel about sex?" And I responded, for the first time honestly, "I don't care."

2017 was the year I finally took an introspective look into my sexuality. It made sense because I just finished college, and was therefore far away from the peer pressure and social expectations of public school. I took a lot of quizzes, discovered AVEN, and read many articles on it. I think I just heard the term in my African American History class in college, remembered it had something to do with life without sex, and decided to research it.

The bottom line is, I realized though I was initially curious about it, I could live my whole life not worrying about sex, or ever having it, and that would be completely fine with me. This epiphany changed my life. Before this, I always worried about not being "sexual" enough. I don't particularly dress girly, I dreaded and didn't know how to do "pillow talk", and then there's that whole marriage and baby thing... Just typing about it now makes my stomach turn.

But when I discovered AVEN and finally started using my 5+ year-old Twitter, I finally found the people like me! Unlike some Christians online who were abstinent but we're thrilled for married sex or the more secular people who seemed to obsessively discuss it every day, now I was finding the comments and jokes I could laugh at and feel more comfortable with, even making some of my own.

I can see in the articles and comments habits in my life I couldn't explain before. For example, I remember in middle school a friend asking me if I thought Usher was "sexy." This is not to insult him, but I couldn't care less about Usher's looks, let alone his body. I wasn't into his sex music. I also really didn't care about boys at this point. She made a little joke about the difference between cute and sexy. It was awkward. I thought I should've been more interested. Now, I understand that's just how we aces are.

There were also the times where I had to make up crushes because other students didn't believe me when I said I didn't have any and didn't care. They wouldn't leave me alone until they "knew who it was." You "had" to have a crush in high and middle school. You may say, "Having the crush isn't necessarily about sex," you're right. But being asexual doesn't have a strong interest in the physical. Just because I think you're nice looking, doesn't mean it will develop into a crush. I'm heteromantic, so I have to get to know you for a while to have a crush on you. It's an "ace" thing.

I write all this because it's difficult to be asexual in a predominantly sexualized world, at least in America. That's why asexual representation is needed. No, we didn't go through something like Stonewall, and don't get beat up for not liking sex, but we suffer in a different way. Without asexuality being acknowledged by society, it's like we don't exist. We are invisible, like a ghost who you can't see or hear. Asexuality is right now like a ghost: it's practically impossible to believe it exists. And if you have ever had any type of existential crisis, you know how painful it can be.

Now don't get me wrong. We do have some awesome representatives: ace model Yasmin Benoit, AVEN, that guy from Bojack Horseman (I don't watch the show) etc. But let's add to those. Imagine an asexual rapper on the radio making songs about excluding sex, more asexual tv characters who ditch the conversation when it comes to sex, an asexual romcom sitcom or movie, asexual writers (well I guess you already have that one...) The list can go on and on...

My point is, widespread representation of asexuality can break many boundaries. It can open our world to say, "Hey, we don't have to put sex in every show, and still make it enjoyable." We don't have to define romance through how many times we "do it" per week. Sex doesn't have to be on our mind 24-seven. We don't have to have 1000 censors for our kids because half of the tv shows don't even talk about that kind of stuff.

It took me a while to discover this part of me, and it took me even longer to accept it as okay. The kids right now who will grow up to be asexuals shouldn't have to take that long to discover and embrace who they are.

Wife to Husband

I thank the Lord for lending me you, Mark, my sweet angel on this earth for almost 30 years. You were my life, my love, my comfort and my joy. My protector and my shield. The loving father to our children. My everything. I miss your booming voice, your joking and your laughter. I will never forget you.

I would take away all of your pain if I could, but I know God has removed all of your suffering Himself. My love, God has you in the palm of his hands where there is only comfort and love. I know you are at peace in His eternal realm.

I love you, and can't wait to be with you again, my eternal love.

Your wife, Pat.

To my Dad

Hi daddy. You know I love you, right? I'm just going to write this last earthly letter to you, something everyone else can read, like the Bible. The reason I say it's the last "earthly" letter, is because this is probably the last one I'll send you from earth, not because you're not on earth anymore. We are Christians, so we know this is not the end.

I just want to reflect on us. I know you are here in spirit, to say "see you later," not goodbye. Our relationship is defined by ups, not downs, because like you said, no matter how much we argue, we always make up. Just like that one time we made up, and mom asked us if we made up, and we both said, verbatim, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Thank you for all the uplifting messages you taught me. To take a break when I need to, to always care about others. To grow, but never grow up. That being a square and being yourself is awesome. To always think positive and have fun. You were my hero in that way.

Now to talk about you, what defined you as a person on earth. I'm going to use what you said, "I love you in God's way, but if you actin shtink, kiss my behind!" You were a true noble man, you protected Mama at work, me at school, or Chrissy with her boyfriends. And you were not only Chrissy's daddy or my daddy, you were daddy for anyone who needed it. Whether it be someone in your family, like with your nephews Jaiwuan and Tyrell, your nieces Shameka and Danielle, or just somebody younger you've met at work or while you were going out.

You've always said you were proud of me. I want to say now, I am very proud of you. I am proud that you were unapologetically Alvin "Mark" Price. The Trekkie, the DJ with his proudly old school music, the boy who cut up his comic books so he could make action figures, the kidult who still watched cartoons, and the man of many voices. Thank you for living your life to the fullest, so I can live mine the same from your example.

I know you want to know what I'm doing. I have been by the last two things you told me: give people a chance and try everything. Mama and Chrissy can tell you all the people I've given chances to on YouTube, and I am open and pleasant to anyone I meet at work or while I'm out. I'm glad I did. But make no mistake, I have removed any rotten "2 piece snacks" from my life and playlist. And welcomed back anyone who apologized. I've done everything from making musical lyrical videos for you to even customizing shoes! Chrissy and I are working on a space storybook series based on you. I will continue going by your advice.

Thank you for being my dad Daddy. No one else could do it. Enjoy your rest. I just ask you one favor: whenever you have some time, in-between playing drums for Prince, jokin' with Rick James and Charlie Murphy, playing Star Trek with Nog, Alexander, Spock and Scotty, or talking to God and Jesus, just take time to check on your family in spirit. Kiss Mama and Grandma every night. Laugh with Grandad and Aunt Terri when they remember you. Play with Chrissy, Kenny, and Auri whenever their in the land make-believe. And lastly, come visit me sometime and watch some Batman or Spongebob, or something. As Tigger would say, TTFN Daddy, Ta Ta For Now.
Love you, Daddy. Your Angelcake.